Dr. Addy Gabby is back! She is taking a sabbatical from a research
team that studies environmentally caused (pollution) birth defects of wild salmon
in the Willamette River and is giving advice to anyone who will listen. Her big mouth
and common sense are her only qualifications but we figure that will do. -Editor.
Advice for the Clueless
by Dr. Addy Gabby, Ph.D. in Ichthyology
Dr. Addy Gabby Gray at two years old. "From the mouth of babes..."
Dear Dr. Addy Gabby,
Enclosed you will find a wedding invitation for my remarriage to "that idiot"
I love so well. The wedding will over by the time you get this, so it will save you
gas money. (Of course, the train doesn't run to the coast from the populated Willamette
Valley.) So you can send me the money you save by not coming. Bippy and I have know
each other so well through the years. There is no one else who can fight so fair
and sweetly make-up like Bippy. Also Bippy and I have grown up a lot since we were
married before. Neither of us has met anyone else we really care about. So, sister,
what do you think? Should Bippy and me get hitched again?
Dingy in Deadwood
Dear old Dingy,
I am afraid you are not kidding. Why would you remarry that idiot when it failed
the first time? Aren't we supposed to learn from our mistakes? Thank God you live
in a country and era where divorce is legal. Much human misery could have been avoided
if that were so before. Yes, there is a tendency in our society to "give
in" to our personal feelings and not consider the whole picture. But most people
get divorced for a good reason. I just wished they used their reason before
they took their vows. If people listened to their minds, not their hormones, a lot
of lawyers would be out of work. I suppose you are happy for now. I'll be hoping
for the best for you.
P.S. Here is a check for two bucks -- I'm driving a hybrid car now.
Dear Dr. Addy Gabby,
I wrote you last year about my logger son who belonged to a Woodfairies Association.
I was upset I wouldn't have grandchildren. All the other ladies at the beauty pallor
have nice photos of their grandchildren. All I had to brag about was a photo of a
unbrushed hound dog. You said the important thing was hoping he found a loving partner
to go through life with. Well, I want to tell you my son has a special friend I'll
call Pete. They are very happy. They had a lovely church ceremony vowing to be partners
for life. But nobody knew where to sit because there were two mothers of the grooms.
It all worked out. Now "the boys" are talking about adoption. I want to
have a grandchild but do gay men make good role models for children?
I Want to Die a Grandmother
Dear I Want to Die a Grandmother,
It looks like you may have your chance to be a grandmother. I think your job is to
be supportive as possible. The more extended family a child has, the better the chance
she or he will see various role models as part of her life and learn from them. And
new parents need lots of emotional support and occasional time off. The personal
sex life of parents should be personal whether or not the parents are "straight"
or "gay". But being able to show affection is necessary to pattern healthy
growth for a child. Might a child be influenced? Perhaps to a small degree --most
likely that child will be tolerant to gay people. Most scientists agree, it is a
matter of nature not nurture that gives gays their homosexuality. The important factors
people need to bring to the job of becoming parents are a mature love and ability
to care for the child. Straight or gay, parenting is not easy. It is the most important
job in the world and many people and institutions only pay lip service to it.
Also think about the "pool" of children who desperately need a permanent
home. It is criminal that so many hundreds of thousands kids are unloved
and uncared for right in Canada and the USA. If a mature, loving and financially
able adult wants to adopt, I'm all for it. I hope you will support that new parent
within a web of multi-generational family. Take a look at pflag.org a support group for Parents and Family
of Lesbians and Gays. org
Dear Dr. Addy Gabby,
Every year, every season, I am sending gifts to my grandchildren, usually a check
since I don't know what they like or dislike. And it really frosts me that they can't
bother to take a minute or two to send an acknowledgment, let alone a letter. Even
an e-mail thank you would be acceptable to me. As it is, I hear nothing most of the
time. Sometimes my own children will forge the "kiddies" signature! Once
in a while, I will get a "form" letter. Big deal. This rebellious grandfather
has had it. In the future, if I am not too busy to think of it, I'll send a card
with good wishes. Period. If I remember to do that as I am very busy with my social
life referring dog shows, flirting with the girls and writing my memoirs on that
damned and useful machine, the computer. MY time is precious and limited. So I say
to all parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, REBEL! Show these selfish monsters
"I am not a money machine. You want some money, go to your own ATM."
Disgusted in Drain
I feel for you. Especially if you've got money in your pocket. Send me a copy of
your memoirs. Perhaps people, especially younger ones, will realize it is necessary
to acknowledge a gift. Of course, many gifts are not monetary. Many people give of
their time and talent. And that, too, is often not appreciated. Dear Reader, please
write a personal note of thanks when someone thinks enough of you to "even"
send a card. If you serve on a board and a fellow member's term has expired, send
a note of appreciation. If a friend stops by to visit or shop for you you when you
are ill, let them know you appreciate it. It is the little kindnesses that make life